Wow, That's Ripe ...

rare essence
[rair es-uhns]

n., a pervasive, pungent and unrepentantly flagrant body odor

I stopped at the video store to drop off some movies. As soon as I made my way through the door, a wall of the foulest, most dank rare essence greeted me. My mouth agape and my nostrils burning, I placed the DVDs on the counter and returned to my car with the utmost haste.

also may be used to converse with another person in the presence of a strong odor without the offending party's knowledge

Guy #1: Man, that guy has some rare essence going on

Guy #2: Yeah, it's heinous.

Medically speaking, body odor is also known as bromhidrosis and gets its pungent, vinegar-like smell from the presence of propionic acid.

Did you know it's possible to 'hallucinate' smells? This type of olfactory hallucination is known as phantosmia.

Drop that bit of knowledge at your cocktail parties later this evening ...

Until 2009,

Quixotica

I Need A Word for ...

this situation ...

in football, a skill position player on offense (especially a wide receiver) will often imitate a referee's flag-throwing motion following an especially contested play in order to persuade one of the nearby officials into throwing the flag himself; if successful, the duper is usually awarded a pass interference, holding or illegal contact penalty 

I feel like there should be a name for this athlete? Or the act itself?

Quixotica in The South Magazine

For the last several months, the good people at The South Magazine have let me adapt my silly little blog for mass consumption in print. I try to make up words for each issue with a distinctive Savannah flavor.

We call it Savannah-ese, and it's featured in each issue.

Check out my recent work here --

Tryptophantasy

Repetitive dialogue disorder

Sweet tea twitch

Ought couture

Available in print at the following locations, you can also view the entire issue at The South Magazine's hip website here.

Radar Noon, Madam ...

Palindrone
[peyl-en-drohn]

n., a vice presidential candidate that roughly mirrors the same ideologies as her presidential running mate, except inverted (different gender, different state) and is largely powerless politically

Interesting pick by McCain. Not too many card-carrying NRA members, mothers of five, commercial fisherwomen, beauty pageant winners and former sportscasters in the typical VP pool.

Let's go to the videotape

When You Really Got to Go ...

near destination anxiety

[neer des-tuh-ney-shuhn ang-zahy-i-tee]

n., the tendency to have a strong, and sometimes severe, urge to urinate the closer one gets to a predetermined stopping point; this phenomenon is often more acute the closer one gets to being near a place where one can relieve him or herself; in some cases, one might not have any bladder-related issues until getting close to an intended stopping point.

The first 600 miles of the trip home were quite relaxing. I read the new Harry Potter book, caught up on some e-mails, listened to some classical music on NPR and enjoyed a few Diet Cokes. The moment we passed the sign signifying our entering Fairfax County, all hell broke loose. I had to race like a pisshorse. Within 30 seconds, I was just a stiff upper lip away from tears. I looked out the window to distract myself from the bladder pangs. And immediately saw a forty-foot billboard for Poland Spring water. We were in traffic so I couldn't really pull over for an impromptu roadside pee break (ed. note, this also really needs a word). When we finally made it off the interstate, I was a wreck. Flailing, speaking in tongues, and occasionally letting a pee dribble out to relieve pressure, I could scarcelu contain the near destination anxiety that had gripped my body.

Telltale signs of NDA include shaking legs, labored breathing and grabbing one's own privates to in an effort to "plug" any potential pee geyser .

Near destination anxiety is expected to be a part of the next revision of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM). The last major revision was the DSM-IV published in 1994, although a "text revision" was produced in 2000. The DSM-V is currently in consultation, planning and preparation, due for publication in May 2012.

See also urgasm

Shameless Self-Promotion ...

Not to toot my own horn, but Quixotica has been spreading its wings a little bit lately.

Not quite taking over the world, or even the state of Virginia ... yet.

It's now a regular feature in two monthly magazines ...

• Savannah's own, The South Magazine


• Senior Class, a monthly magazine celebrating the maturing lifestyle based out of Long Beach, CA

And it's attracted another recent write-up in The Toronto Star, the daily newspaper for the Big Smoke.

Just My $.02

two-center

[too sent-er]

n., a person who regularly inserts unsolicited advice, anecdotes and opinions into a conversation, especially ones in which they are not directly involved.

A two-center often interrupts a conversation's flow to pepper the dialogue with tangentially related stories and phrases like "the thing about that ...," "the truth of the matter ...," and "well, actually ..."

Person A: What's the easiest way to get to the Clarendon Metro from here?

Person B: Take a left at the intersection and it'll be four blocks on your left.

Person A: Oh, okay. Great. That's what I'll do. Thanks for your help.

Person C, The Two-Center: Well, actually you could take a bus to Glebe Road, walk to Ballston Mall and then take a cab to the metro. It would take you a few minutes less

Person A: Ummm, OK. Thanks man.

Droppin' Bombs ...

Residual methane effect (RME)

[ri-zij-oo-uhl meth-eyn i-fekt]

n., sci., the lingering odor that persists in a confined public space after one has successfully moved one's bowels; This effect can be noted quantitatively and is measured in PPUs.

This often noxious odor may persist for several minutes after the offending party (the "pooper") has left a lavatory. In many cases, the resultant odor may deter future bathroom-goers from using the facilities until after the proverbial air has cleared. Mitigating factors may include proper ventilation, courtesy flushing and one's natural poop "flavor," or odor.

In other cases, the offending party is able to leave the restroom and new users incorrectly blame a fellow stall user who may happen to be in there at the same time.

Check out this fascinating website that touts itself as "your No. 1 source for your No. 2 business" to keep up with the fast-moving world of poop.

I can't believe I just wrote that sentence.

You Wouldn't Like Me When I'm Angry ... And Drunk

alcholeric

[al-kuh-ler-ik]

n., a person who becomes extremely irritable, easily angered, belligerent or combative when under the influence of alcohol

Alcholeric is a portmanteau, blending the words "alcohol" and "choleric"

Alcohol reduces inhibitions and the more you drink, the more loose you get. If a person is naturally angry and aggressive before drinking, alcohol will make him more apt to act out and get mean when he is drinking.

Many refer to the inhibition-reducing effects of alcohol as "liquid courage," a surge of temporary eneregy that makes people feel like it's okay to do things they normally wouldn't--they think it's okay because they were drunk, or they "couldn't help themselves".

Check out these great moments in "alcholeric history," thanks to YouTube