Sunday, July 27, 2008
near destination anxiety
[neer des-tuh-ney-shuhn ang-zahy-i-tee]
n., the tendency to have a strong, and sometimes severe, urge to urinate the closer one gets to a predetermined stopping point; this phenomenon is often more acute the closer one gets to being near a place where one can relieve him or herself; in some cases, one might not have any bladder-related issues until getting close to an intended stopping point.
The first 600 miles of the trip home were quite relaxing. I read the new Harry Potter book, caught up on some e-mails, listened to some classical music on NPR and enjoyed a few Diet Cokes. The moment we passed the sign signifying our entering Fairfax County, all hell broke loose. I had to race like a pisshorse. Within 30 seconds, I was just a stiff upper lip away from tears. I looked out the window to distract myself from the bladder pangs. And immediately saw a forty-foot billboard for Poland Spring water. We were in traffic so I couldn't really pull over for an impromptu roadside pee break (ed. note, this also really needs a word). When we finally made it off the interstate, I was a wreck. Flailing, speaking in tongues, and occasionally letting a pee dribble out to relieve pressure, I could scarcelu contain the near destination anxiety that had gripped my body.
Telltale signs of NDA include shaking legs, labored breathing and grabbing one's own privates to in an effort to "plug" any potential pee geyser .
Near destination anxiety is expected to be a part of the next revision of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM). The last major revision was the DSM-IV published in 1994, although a "text revision" was produced in 2000. The DSM-V is currently in consultation, planning and preparation, due for publication in May 2012.
See also urgasm
Not to toot my own horn, but Quixotica has been spreading its wings a little bit lately.
Not quite taking over the world, or even the state of Virginia ... yet.
It's now a regular feature in two monthly magazines ...
- Savannah's own, The South Magazine
- Senior Class, a monthly magazine celebrating the maturing lifestyle based out of Long Beach, CA