It's In The Hole ...

It's in the ... hole. Yes Sir! ... Well almost ... Tough finish Rory

While watching yesterday's riveting US Open final round, I noticed that professional golfers perform at such a high level that they nearly expect to make nearly every putt they attempt. On the rare -- but to be expected -- occasions when they do not, the responses are quite similar.

puttrified

[puht-truh-fahyd]

v. intr., to make assorted displays of surprise and mild indignation, especially when narrowly missing after striking a golf ball so as to make it roll along the putting green to its intended target, the hole

Examples of puttrification include, but are not limited to, the following:

• Bending at the knee to lament a putt's narrow miss
• Visually scanning the crowd/caddies/fellow players for sympathetic facial expressions
• Standing in place for several seconds with hands akimbo
• Flipping the putter
• Telekinetic use of body english
• Exaggerated facial expressions (vary, stern and even sometimes sheepish)

After finally conceding that a putt is missed, it is customary for a puttrified golfer to grudgingly accept the gallery's congratulatory applause, tip his cap and resign himself to mere mortality.

Example:

"Bryson walked around the 15th green and stalked the putt from every conceivable direction. With the help of his caddie, he vector analyzed the green's topography, and eyed the bermuda grass with the precision of a land surveyor. Finally, after picking his line, approximating its speed and visualizing the ball's path toward the hole, he approached the ball and struck it firmly. The dimpled spheroid did not oblige, making its final revolution just inches short of the target. On bended knee, Bryson looked puttrified at the unexpected -- and rare -- unsuccessful outcome. His feigned anger, however, was quickly sublimated by the fact that he would go onto win the tournament
a few holes later, putting $4 million large in his coffers."

Putting is golf's great equalizer. Many of us will never stripe 300-yard drives, master the flop shot, shape a high-arcing draw around a live oak or impart "on-a-string" backspin on an approach shot. And while physical limitations and a lack of talent may prevent us from ever experiencing these achievements, we all can putt. Even the most difficult putt could conceivably be made by an amateur, even a beginner.

A Whole (Foods) New World ...

In honor of today's grand opening of the first Whole Foods in Savannah, a new phrase ...

destination grocer
[des-tuh-ney-shuhn groh-ser]

n., a supermarket, usually upscale, where the visit itself is as much of the experience as the actual goods purchased; non-traditional supermarket amenities may include stocking rare or hard-to-find ingredients, a bevy of prepared foods and bulk items, world-class wine and beer selections, a preponderance of local merchants and several self-contained in-store dining options

In the type of coverage usually reserved for visiting heads of state, here's just a sampling of today's local coverage of the WFM grand opening.

• Coastal Source -- http://bit.ly/13XowFa
• Savannah Morning News -- http://bit.ly/16hJdxD
• WSAV -- http://bit.ly/167G0ON
• WTOC -- http://bit.ly/1671cnO

There's an app for that ...

appify

[ap-uh-fahy]

v.t., to take an activity, process, or iterative routine that would normally be done conventionally by a separate device, a computer or another human being and make a smartphone and/or tablet-based application to do it easier ... ideally.

Now, it would be dishonest for me to claim credit for this 21st-century nugget of neoligistic nirvana ...

That should go to the mercurial Brian R. Cunningham, of Washington DC, a friend, a JMU Duke, a Woodbridge Senior High School graduate, an excellent golfer, father and husband and a cagey Texas Hold 'Em player.

Like the limitless uses of the now-ubiquitous 'application software,' there are as many colloquial analogs of the digital phrase appify.

There's no use for mom's index cards of holiday cookie recipes anymore. Let's appify it.

I enjoy looking at the Savannah-Chatham Sheriff's Department 72 Hour booking photos, but it'd be cool if they could appify it.

Just app it ... App it up ... I'm apped out

I'd app that app ... You're a jackapp

Wait, that's inapppropiate :)

You Want To Save Some Money?

Then get to know your coupon slang.

• http://myfave4letterfword.com/for-the-rookie/coupon-slang/
• http://www.abuggyfull.com/p/coupon-slang.html
• http://weshopdeals4you.blogspot.com/2011/06/commonly-used-coupon-slang-acronyms.html
• http://blessedbybargains.com/?page_id=75

Waterworld ...

hypaquacy

[hip-ah-kwuh-see]

n., the act, often intentional, of filling up an empty premium spring water bottle (Evian, SmartWater, et al) with regular old tap water, so as to impress friends, colleagues and strangers with your superior taste and your refined palate

According to the International Bottled Water Association (yep, they exist), the 'domestic non-sparkling' (still) segment of the US bottled water market had a volume of over 8.1 billion gallons in 2009.

Rawhide, Cowhide, Manhide?

Wow, it's been a while since my last post.

I've been watching a decent amount of tv lately and, consequently, have sat through my fair share of commercials.

As a fan of the loofah/body wash approach, (Hey, don't hate! Exfoliate!), one ad in particular has stood out recently - a Dove commercial for a gender-specific body wash that refers to men's skin as "manhide"

Here's a link to the Dove commercial -- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wdOS74nzsmQ

I'm fine with the word hide. It actually means "human skin," but adding the "man" to it gives it a vaguely disturbing quality. And why equate men's skin with tanned leather? Are we that derelict as a gender in our personal care that the closest analog to our skin is a bomber jacket? Or does the "macho-fying" of the product make it more palatable to use than if we just called it "body wash" and didn't make it so rugged-sounding?

Apparently, I'm not the first or second one to notice this quirky advertisement.

Now, if we allow for the usage of the phrase manhide, by extension, does that mean that there's also a womanhide? And what would we use a proxy for women's skin?

In the man-time, I'll just continue to use my Irish Spring body wash.

Clean as a whistle

I've Seen That Once or Twice Before ...

saw and order

n., the collection of plot devices and time-worn cliches frequently employed by procedural legal/police television shows

Examples include, but are certainly not limited to, the following:

a) the classic good-cop bad cop gambit

b) the shadowy Internal Affairs investigator

c) always just missing being able to trace a call by mere seconds

d) when the judge says "I'll allow it, but tread lightly counselor ..."

e) overuse of cop jargon ("perp," "skel," "I need a bus")

f) the job's workaholic nature and the tendency to take one's work home

g) lab scientists and technicians only being able to speak in highbrow. scientific terms and force the layperson detective/attorney/agent to look confused and say "In english?"

h) the dreaded psychological assessment after a shooting (also must call all mental health professionals "shrinks)

i) the two-handed lapel shake of a suspect up against a brick or concrete wall

j) a maverick yet successful cop/crimesolver locking horns with a straight-laced, by the book supervisor, but ultimately coming to a grudging and heartwarming acceptance of each other's

k) deus ex machina -- the highly improbable "god out of a machine" endings that either save of the day or defy all probability

l) eating a hot dog at a busy streetside stand

m) Continuing to "work" a case after being suspended or taken off the case

n) Melodramatic "turf war" between cops/lawyers from competing jurisdictions/agencies

o) Visiting a retired cop to have another look at an old case

Don't get me wrong. I love cop and courtroom shows. In fact, I watch several of them a week. But, they typically don't stray too far from many of the time-honored tools of the trade.

Make It Go, Make It Go, Make It Go

flake-out

[fleyk out]

n., when a snowstorm begins to loses its cozy, storybook appeal and becomes more of a nuisance; often accompanied by billowy pillows of snow turning into diamond-cutting spears of jagged ice, 15-foot berms of brownish-grey slush and a layer of dried-salt film covering every flat surface

... I also like how people who come from different parts of the country tend to brag about how much snow they have there ('They'll cancel school for two inches here. I'm from XXXXX, so this doesn't faze me at all'). For some reason that irks me, like the ability to handle weather conditions or turn out of a skid is something worth arguing about.

frumple

[fruhm-puhl]

n., a permanent wrinkle or crease, especially in a garment of clothing, viz., pants

Despite his many efforts -- the ironing board, the steam cleaner, a hot shower -- the pants would not hold a crease. The pants held the frumple, like a badge of disheveled honor