Saturday, April 26, 2008

I'll be ..


in text

[in tekst]

v.t., an idiom, signifying the act of communicating by text message; similar to "in touch" or "get in touch"


"I'm not sure what we're doing later this evening, but I'll be in text with you and let you know."

Random MySpace people who use the phrase:


A British solicitor will be in text with me too

Saturday, April 12, 2008

It's In The ...


It's in the ... hole. Yes Sir! ... Well almost ... Tough finish Rory

While watching yesterday's riveting US Open final round, I noticed that professional golfers perform at such a high level that they nearly expect to make nearly every putt they attempt. On the rare -- but to be expected -- occasions when they do not, the responses are quite similar.

puttrified
[puht-truh-fahyd]
v. intr., to make assorted displays of surprise and mild indignation, especially when narrowly missing after striking a golf ball so as to make it roll along the putting green to its intended target, the hole

Examples of puttrification include, but are not limited to, the following:
  • Bending at the knee to lament a putt's narrow miss
  • Visually scanning the crowd/caddies/fellow players for sympathetic facial expressions
  • Standing in place for several seconds with hands akimbo
  • Flipping the putter
  • Telekinetic use of body english
  • Exaggerated facial expressions (vary, stern and even sometimes sheepish)


After finally conceding that a putt is missed, it is customary for a puttrified golfer to grudgingly accept the gallery's congratulatory applause, tip his cap and resign himself to mere mortality.

Example:

"Bryson walked around the 15th green and stalked the putt from every conceivable direction. With the help of his caddie, he vector analyzed the green's topography, and eyed the bermuda grass with the precision of a land surveyor. Finally, after picking his line, approximating its speed and visualizing the ball's path toward the hole, he approached the ball and struck it firmly. The dimpled spheroid did not oblige, making its final revolution just inches short of the target. On bended knee, Bryson looked puttrified at the unexpected -- and rare -- unsuccessful outcome. His feigned anger, however, was quickly sublimated by the fact that he would go onto win the tournament
a few holes later, putting $4 million large in his coffers."

Putting is golf's great equalizer. Many of us will never stripe 300-yard drives, master the flop shot, shape a high-arcing draw around a live oak or impart "on-a-string" backspin on an approach shot. And while physical limitations and a lack of talent may prevent us from ever experiencing these achievements, we all can putt. Even the most difficult putt could conceivably be made by an amateur, even a beginner.


Thursday, April 10, 2008

Planned Pantyhood ...


Planned Pantyhood
[pland pan-tee-hood]
n., the deliberate act of matching one's outerwear in color, style and appearance with the straps of a deliberately exposed undergarment, usually a thong but sometimes a bra, or even both; this fashion decision is usually perpetrated by a precocious -- if not prepubescent -- child and usually by young women, though not exclusively

This interesting -- and mildly disturbing -- fashion trend has not gone unnoticed by the conservative law and order, puritanical crowd.

Some cities, like Atlanta and Hampton Roads, have even explored treating "planned pantyhood" as a public nuisance and fining its perpetrators. Opa Locka, a town in Florida with a notoriously high crime rate, have already banned baggy pants and exposed boxer shorts in an effort to curtail crime.
Planned pantyhood has not avoided the watchful eye of school administrators and athletics coaches.

Mark Base, a fellow blogger from Helsinborg, Sweden, made some humorous (and documented eyewitness) observations of this trend in a Feb 2007 blog post Pantspotting In Helsinborg.

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

Internet Trance ...

Internet Trance
[in-ter-net trahns]
n., a state of complete mental absorption or deep musing that occurs when a simple Internet-related task begins quite innocently (e.g., looking up a useless bit of trivia, checking a sports score, downloading a song, doing a wikipedia search) and then ends up taking much. much longer (sometimes a few hours) than you anticipated because you have allowed yourself to wander/surf/meander all over the internet; this is often due to the saturation of hyperlinks in most Internet content (blogs, news articles, effective ads, etc.); One is able to "trace" the path of an internet trance by looking in the "history" section of one's browser.

The trance can also be site-specific, as some sites have such vast content that one could kill hours of time without out ever leaving a domain name. Examples include a Wikipedia Trance, a MySpace Trance or a Facebook trance.

For example, this morning I was looking up something about CSI:Miami for an intro to a freelance article for another publication. From there I read about David Caruso, then NYPD Blue, then Mark Paul Gosselaar ("Zak" from Saved By the Bell), then Saved by the Bell ... and then I ended with reading about Dustin Diamond (screech from saved by the bell). I never ended up finding the information about CSI Miami that I was looking for ... and due to my internet trance, I killed about 30 minutes and filled my mind with more useless info.

Sunday, February 24, 2008

Kindercare ...


kindercare

[kin-der-kair]
n., an emotional response or state of mind relating to the objective (and perfectly normal, I might add) non-sexual appreciation of a younger person who may be precociously attractive; also reflects a belief that one can "tell" if an "admired" young person will grow up to become an exceedingly attractive or handsome adult.

I imagine this word could also describe someone like my mom going ga-ga over some young, male heartthrob on American Idol. Does she want to act on her cute little crush on Chris Daughtry? Of course not. Never in a million years. But the appreciation exists nonetheless, and it should have its own word for it.

I think men and women -- young and old -- know when they see someone who will likely turn out to be good-looking/knockout/ahunk/etc. when they mature. The same could probably said for the opposite feeling, ... a sense that a young person is precociously unattractive ... like a baby or toddler that you can tell from an early age has "ugly" potential



Oh yeah, and the word "kindercare" has nothing to do with the wholesome "preschool" corporation that shares the same name.

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

We Must Protect This House ...


I just saw an ad for FOX's post-Super Bowl programming teasing an "all new" episode of the critically acclaimed series "House." As a diehard "House" fan, I can't wait for the rest of the season.
For those of you not down with the one-hour network television drama, you're missing out. Do yourself a favor and tune in after the Super Bowl. Dr. Gregory House is one-of-a-kind, and if he were a real-live person, he would be on the Mount Rushmore of Quixotica. He'd probably be flicking Theodore Roosevelt's ear or putting rabbit ears behind George Washington's head. His uber-sarcasm, unorthodox treatment style and erratic bedside manner are all things I aspire to, ... even though I am not a doctor, nor do I play one on tv.

If you're lost, here's a primer:
Gregory House, M.D., is a maverick medical genius, who heads a team of young diagnosticians at the fictional Princeton-Plainsboro Teaching Hospital in New Jersey. Most episodes start with a cold open somewhere outside the hospital, showing the events leading to the onset of symptoms for that week's main patient. The episode follows the team in their attempts to diagnose and treat the patient's illness.

The team arrives at diagnoses using the
Socratic method and differential diagnosis, with House guiding the deliberations. House often discounts the information and opinions from his underlings, pointing out that their contributions have missed various relevant factors. The patient is usually misdiagnosed over the course of each episode and treated with medications appropriate to the misdiagnoses. This usually causes further complications in the patient, but in turn helps lead House and his team to the correct diagnosis by using the new symptoms.
God Bless you Wikipedia. You let me synopsize everything with all your Wiki goodness, even if it's not 100 % accurate.

Back to Quixotica ....
During the show's four season run, House has demonstrated a mastery of pop culture, music and history, ... and a little bit of medical intuition. Not only is he a Fort Knox of trivial knowledge, but his virtuoso command of slang, diction, semantics and language often leads to some very funny dialogue. In some cases, his clever one-liners serve a more important purpose in the show as the occasional "novel" House take on a situation leads a previously unthought-of differential diagnosis. In other cases, his acerbic witticisms are just an exalted form of smartassery and sarcasm.


So without further adieu, here's today's moment of sublime Quixotica ...

Housism
[hous-iz-uhm]
n., A comment, normally a one-liner, generally an offbeat response. Something Dr. Gregory House would say.

This is not an original piece of Quixotica from yours truly. I have to thank the good people at
Housisms for this neologism.
In fact, I am not going to give you any examples here. You'll have to go to their website to find out more. Or which an "all-new" episode of "House" following the Patriots' coronation on Sunday.
OK, OK, here's one from the very first episode of the series.
House: See that -- they all assume I'm a patient because of the cane.
Dr. Wilson: Then why don't you put on a white coat like the rest of us?
House: Then they think I'm a doctor.
In other news, please submit any Super Bowl-related slang to me directly at uvadavidg@gmail.com.

Saturday, January 26, 2008

If I Had A Hammer ...


Today's moment of sublime quixotica was submitted by S.M., of Arlington, VA.
S., a legendary wordsmith in his own right, is fluent in French, can dunk a basketball (I think) and does a mean "worm." Spencer was an original member of The Awesomes, an epic rock supergroup that toured the greater Lake Ridge, VA area in the early 1980s. Other former members of the band include Chris "Iffy" Kreutzer (guitar/vocals), David "Hoover" Gignilliat (triangle/recorder/air guitar) and Craig "Zog" Milligan (not sure). Alas, The Awesomes' eclectic style was never fully appreciated in its own era, so now their legend and their music must live on through the written word.

But who could forget their live performance at the 1986 Governor's Court 4th of July Crab Feast, which included an impromptu breakdancing competition, a dirt-bike decorating contest and pointing illegal bottle rockets at neighbor's doorsteps.




I think some Vans shoes and Playboy logo socks were involved too.

Back to business. Thanks for the word, S. We hope to hear more Quixotica from you in the future ...



marteau’d
[mar-tohd]

adj., literally, French for "hammer," it is a phrase used to describe a state of extraordinary intoxication due to heavy (and often rapid) consumption of alcohol, often to the degree that most mental and physical faculities are noticeably impaired. Common symptoms may include slurred speech, impaired balance, poor coordination, flushed face, reddened eyes, reduced inhibition, hiccuping, severe beer goggling, and other uncharacteristic behavior

Examples of marteau'd behavior could include, but are not limited to, the following:
  • making cats fight on the streets of Georgetown (Washington, DC)
  • stumbling out of a bar with hands in coat pockets,crossing the street with considerable momentum, andcrashing through a wooden fence (Charlottesville, VA)
  • casually flicking cigarette ashes on your friend’shead and then violently throwing up in his toilet (Blacksburg, VA) ... Done by uvadavidg@gmail.com


And for no reason whatsoever, here's a rare photo of Mr, Quixotica (uvadavidg@gmail.com) during his halcyon, formative years. Note his prescient sense of style -- the lavender Izod polo, black-and-white checkered vans and OP plaid shorts. And don't forget the "Mom, I forgot my bookbag face." Or is it the "why doesn't anyone want to play with me" face?



While the expression “marteau’d” did not catch on nationally (yet), it is still used by a small number of 30-somethings in and around the Washington, DC metropolitan area.

Here's some more "marteau" time on the World Wide Web:


Did You Know:
The French are not the only ones who like to have a good time. The Brits like to call bar-hopping "going out on the tiles," ... though I think the "tiles" is where you end up after a long night of carousing. Led Zeppelin drummer John Bonham inspired the song "Out on the Tiles" (LZ III) with his epic -- and ultimately fatal -- consumption.

Friday, January 25, 2008

More Junkies Lingo ...


For those of you who don't live in the thriving metropolis of Northern Virginia, the Junkies are four regular dudes with a popular radio show on one of DC's most popular FM stations. If you had to fit it into a category, you'd call it sports talk radio. But a lot cooler. See for yourself ...

By popular demand, more tasty slang nuggets from WJFK's The Sports Junkies
(Excerpted from junkiesradio.com)

Nubbins
Derived from a gambling and poker term, meaning to have little or no money. As used by the Junkies, it describes something that is undesirable or of low quality because of its small stature.

For example, Cakes had to park his rented pickup truck on the street because it was too large for his nubbins garage. A small mobile phone would not be considered a nubbins phone, however, because smallness is a desirable trait in mobile phones.

Nubbinsville, attending Nubbinsville State, and being on nubbins street refer to being poor.

Nugget
a short fact or piece of information. Another variation is "nug-let".

Number
The number of partners a women has had. See “Whore or Bore.” As with the "sportcenter" generation, the alternate Spanish interpretation of "nombre" is also socially acceptable.

Okey doke
Someone whose been tricked or duped
Poo-Poo
Low-quality.

Pummel
Beating someone really bad. "The Lakers pummeled the Jazz."

Punt
Put forth little effort, as in a segment, full show, interview, etc. Although the term is used by people all over and is not necessarily "Junkies lingo", the Junkies do often substitute the names of NFL kickers for the word ("I'm going to Hunter Smith the EP", referring to Indianapolis Colts punter Hunter Smith).

Ricky
Ricky is actually a euphemism used sporadically in PG County some 20 years ago. It is the shortened version of Richard. While the obvious nickname would be Dick, Ricky serves as a witty device to go the long way and refer to someone as a "dick".

In years past you might hear Lurch refer to another as "Richard Cranium", that is translated to "Dick Head". Usually pronounced "Riiiickay". Alluding to former Miami Dolphins football player Ricky Williams, this Junkism refers to any person who makes poor decisions, such as Williams who has been repeatedly suspended and fined for violating the NFL’s substance-abuse policy.

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Biscuits and Gravy ...


Today's moment of sublime quixotica was submitted by a Mr. John Krauss. Mr. Krauss hails from historic Cheverly, MD and grew up on the mean streets of Prince George's County. In his spare time, John enjoys long walks on the beach, gangster rap, writing haikus about Star Trek and keeping it real.

He has been known to wear the occasional cloak, uses the phrase "BTW" religiously in everyday human-to-human conversation and claims some distant relation to bluegrass vixen (and hottie) Allison Krauss. An active gamer, John (or "Icey J" as his friends call him) maintains a challenging second life on Second Life, where he goes by the name of Grease Coakes.

Check him out at grease711@yahoo.com , he's sui generis (that's a real word actually)

biscuits and gravy
[bĭs'kĭtz and grey-vee]

n., an exclamation indicative of a state of quiet contentment, usually as a result of some fortuitous and unexpected turn of events; usually preceded in everyday speech by the "it's all ..." sentence fragment; for the purpose of brevity during conversation, the "it's all" component can also be eliminated while still retaining the same meaning

Synonyms include "it's all good," "all fruits ripe," and "sweet"

I guess there's just something special about the harmony that exists between a small cake of shortened bread leavened with baking powder or soda and the fat and juices that drip from cooking meat, often thickened, seasoned, flavored, etc., and used as a sauce

"But you were supposed to pick me up an hour ago at the Farragut West Metro. At first, I was kinda mad, but then I started talking to this chick who likes to play World of Warcraft. We exchanged screen names and I'm going to call her next week, ... so it's all biscuits and gravy."

Did You Know?:The phrase "it's all good" has a downright fascinating history, traced here with vim and verve by author Rebecca Mead in a 2001 magazine article. And be sure to check out Rebecca's other original work, especially her razor-sharp take on the business of weddings in One Perfect Day, available at Amazon.com. The New York Times thinks she's the cat's meow. Or is it the ant's pants


Excerpted from RebeccaMead.Com


... This is, of course, arguable, but the adoption of "It's all good" does confirm that phrase's omnipresence in the contemporary lexicon. The expression got a big push into the mainstream this spring on "Survivor: The Australian Outback," when it was used by Alicia Calaway, the buff personal trainer, who informed twenty-eight and a half million Americans that, even though she had not won a million dollars, her experience had indeed been all good. And when Puffy Combs was asked by "Entertainment Tonight" about his painful breakup with Jennifer Lopez earlier this year, he resorted to the "It's all good" formula to explain how he would always have a place in his heart for J. Lo.


According to Weinstock, the meaning of "It's all good" is straightforward. "It means 'no worries,' " he said. "If Disney were to use it, they would say 'Hakuna Matata.' " Actually, "It's all good" is often more nuanced. The original popularizers of the expression were rap performers, including Hammer, who in 1994 released a song entitled "It's All Good." A year later, Tupac Shakur employed the phrase in his hit "California Love," on which Dr. Dre announced, "Diamonds shinin' lookin' like I robbed Liberace / It's all good from Diego to tha Bay." In such contexts, "It's all good" serves as a statement of defiance rather than complacency; things are clearly not all good, for example, if you happen to be Liberace.


The phrase continues to be reflexively used in the rap world, and it has now been adopted ironically by upper-middle-class white people, in whose parlance "It's all good" is usually a way of preëmptively closing a conversation--a discussion of the final episode of "The Sopranos," for example--and segueing to the next topic: where to find the best sushi in the East Village.


But the most widespread use of "It's all good" seems to be among people who have recently discovered yoga and meditation. For this demographic, "It's all good" has become a kind of New Age, neo-Buddhist mantra, one with a peculiarly American flavor of optimism. (As Mark Epstein, the author of "Going On Being: Buddhism and the Way of Change," points out, a truly Buddhist view would be "It's all suffering.") It means that every reversal--breaking up with your boyfriend, getting downsized from your dot-com--is also an opportunity for personal growth. Admittedly, this usage has greater appeal if you are a laid-off, newly single dot-commer than it might if you were, say, an Afghani refugee or a resident of southern Sudan.


Stephen Cope, the author of "Yoga and the Quest for the True Self," explained by telephone last week that he often hears the phrase in the halls of the Kripalu Center for Yoga & Health in Lenox, Massachusetts, where he is the senior scholar-in-residence. Cope said that although he believes Americans often need a corrective to an embedded Puritan world view--which might be characterized as "It's all bad, especially you"--the phrase does, nonetheless, raise his hackles.


"There is a way in which that mantra can lead to a fatalistic view of life, and can leave out the incredible power of choice," he said. The first time Cope heard the expression was shortly after he arrived at Kripalu, twelve years ago.


"My car had broken down in the middle of a nor'easter, and I ended up having to walk home through the storm and got pneumonia," he said. "I remember someone proposed to me the notion that this was all good, and I definitely had a reaction to it: it is not good being sick, and it would have been good if I had had a cell phone. The only thing that is definitely all good all the time is anything that comes in a blue box from Tiffany."

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